As far back as I can remember Ive always wanted to be a Paper Bag Mackem.
As you can see all my dreams have come true and thanks to the wonders of 21st century technology you can be one too. Simply submit pictures of yourself wearing both a paper bag and SAFC shirt in the presence of Sunderland footballer surname-themed street signs in your comment.
Your submissions will then be considered by the Paper Bag Mackem Authorisation Committee (PBMAC) and published asap if deemed acceptable. The PBMAC shall consist of Lord & Lady Bag-Mackem and other as yet unappointed committee members.
Points are to be awarded for the number of official first team appearances made by the players "bagged", and the "baggees" with the highest officially approved total will be known as the reigning "King and Queen Of The Paper Bag Mackems". Their duties shall include riding at the front of the open top bus parade when Sunderland win the Champions League if permission can be obtained from the club.
Special merit awards will be given to those who "bag" a full SAFC FA Cup winning team.
The PBMAC's decision on all issues is final. All appearance totals to be taken from http://www.thestatcat.co.uk/.
**HEALTH & SAFETY WARNING** Do not put bags over the heads of small children.
Paper Bag Premiership Table.
Position/Bagger/Players/Apps/(Sub Apps).
1. Lord Bag-Mackem. 6/794 (50). *1FACW*
2. Lady Bag-Mackem. 6/469 (129).
3. Little Lord Fauntlebag. 2/144 (1). *1FACW*
4 Ellie Bag-Mackem 1/36 (20)
Legend:
"+" in the Apps column signifies the bagging of a current SAFC player.
"*FACW*" signifies the bagging of a member of the 1937 or 1973 FA Cup Winning teams.
John Winston Lennon (Musician): "Everybodies talkin about bagism..." From the The Plastic Ono Bands hit single "Give Peace A Chance".
James Brown (Vocalist): "Aint no drag, papas got a brand new bag..." From the hit single "Papas Got A Brand New Bag".
Pigbag (80s Indie-Jazz combo): "Duh duh duh duh, dah dah dah dah...." From the hit single "Papa's Got A Brand New Pigbag".
Albert Camus (Nobel Prize winning Author): "After many years in which the world has afforded me many experiences, what I know most surely in the long run about morality and obligations, I owe to paper bag wearing." From France Football 1957.
Paul Weller (Musician): "Theres a paper bag in Wardour Street, Its blown up the city now its spreading through the country...". From The Jams 1978 hit single " A Bomb in Wardour St".
Jean Baudrillard (Philosopher): "Power is only too happy to make paper bagism bear a facile responsibility, even to take upon itself the diabolical responsibility for stupefying the masses." From "In the Shadow of the Silent Majorities".
Joe Strummer (Musician): "Daddy was a bag-wearer, but he never hurt nobody...." From The Clash's hit single "Bank Robber".
Antonio Gramsci (Philosopher): "Paper bag wearing is a model of individual society. It demands initiative, competition and conflict. But is regulated by the unwritten rule of fair play" From "Avantil" 1918.
John Winston Lennon (Musician): " His son is working for the Daily Mail, its a steady job but he wants to be a paper bag wearer." From The Beatles 1966 No1 single "Paperback Writer".
Simone de Beauvoir (Feminist Author): "The woman who stands forth in the world seeking paper bags acquires that magnificent possesion, the absolute." From "The Second Sex".
Bill Shankly (Football Manager): "Some people think paper bagism is a matter of life and death. I am very dissapointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much more important than that." From "The Liver Birds".
Tina Turner (Vocalist): "When I was a little girl I had a paper bag, the only bag I ever owned...." From Ike& Tina Turner's hit single "River Deep Mountain High".
Humphrey Bogart (Actor) "Of all the bags in all the world..." From the film "Casablanca".
Craig Russell
No comments:
Post a Comment